Coping with Anger

COPING WITH ANGER

We don’t just get angry when others are angry at us. We can resort to getting even with
gossiping, talking or thinking nasty hurtful stuff about another person or blaming someone else
for our feelings. We can also feel so jealous of another person that we end up hating them.

We can also internalize anger. This type of anger grows from an act we have done, a personal
decision, or spontaneous behavior that doesn’t meet our needs. It can become embedded in us as
shame or guilt. It can shift from “I am angry at Mom” to “I’m such a fool to believe what she
said about me.”

Or “I’m angry at that salesman who talked me into buying this thing I really don’t need,” to “I’m
stupid. I’m lazy for not doing my homework before I sat down with the salesman. I’m such a
loser. I can’t do anything right.”

BELITTLING

This type of anger bashing cuts your self-respect to shreds, lowers your identity, and tarnishes your self-image. You can even start believing the bashing & ridicule you are saying about yourself. You can feel worthless and unimportant, and soon your life will mirror your statements.

You will, in essence, sabotage yourself, kill your business, your marriage, or sour your
relationship with your kids.

TEST YOURSELF FOR ANGER

Let’s take a look at your anger situation. Take the following quiz and then think about those
situations where you have belittled yourself when you were angry.

ANGER QUIZ

● Do you yell at your kids for doing small misbehaviors?
● Do you feel uptight, irritated? Do you fell like screaming or hitting someone?
● Do you say nasty, hurtful things to others when you are angry?
● Do you have a fiery temper?
● Do you know what you are angry about?
● Are you upset about your behavior?
● Are you upset about your kid’s behavior?
● Are you upset about your spouse’s behavior or another family member?
● Are you afraid you will not have a future?
● Do you feel annoyed when you’re not given recognition & accolades for doing good
work?

BODY RESPONSES TO ANGER

● Now focus on the stiff, sore, and uncomfortable parts of your body —
● How does your wrists and ankles feel? Stiff?
● Are your neck and back tight?
● Do you have a pain or heavy feeling in your stomach?
● They are all a message for you—
● “Stop the self imposed stress.”
● “You are making me sick and I can’t function when I am sick”
● We’ve all been angry and we’ve all used it destructively to harm ourselves and
others.
● We can change that.
● How does our anger affect our behavior?